Back From Vacation, Back To Work

Below is a reprinted blog post penned by Kylee Webster in July of 2013 on her blog, The Dancing Queen. Over the next few weeks we will be reprinting her posts to highlight the resilience and positive spirit of those facing even the most devastating of life’s challenges.

kylee hospitalWe all know that feeling that we get when we return home from a LONG, RELAXING, and fun-filled vacation and we realize that the vacation is over and the next day we have to go back to work. For most of us, this is never a good feeling. Well today I myself return to work after my own four month, fun-filled vacation. Type of work: cancer patient. Place of employment: infusion center at a hospital.

I last finished cancer treatment in the beginning of February 2013. Shortly after, I met with my medical oncologist in the beginning of March 2013 for a CT scan to check and see if the operation and treatment had worked. Well it did! On March 1, 2013 I was told that there was No Evidence of Disease in my body and my oncologist told me that he would not have to see me again for three months for a repeat CT scan. Three months?! What was I supposed to do with myself for three whole months with no treatment, no surgeries, and no doctors appointments to go too.

It took a few days for the good news to settle in. I was in shock. After all of these months, I was finally cancer free and I was going to get a vacation from cancer. After the initial shock began to wear off, I began planning. Planning trips with my family and friends. Making up for the time lost when the cancer was controlling my life.

kylee allan travelAnd traveling I did!! I lived life like a gypsy and I loved every second of it. I will be honest. My cancer was always in the back of my mind. I thought about it everyday. But I only allowed it for just a short second or minute. And then I would stop myself before it consumed me. Because if I didn’t stop the thoughts, that meant the cancer was still winning and ain’t nobody got time for that!

After many weeks of living life to its fullest, my three month appointment check-up seemed to be here in the blink of an eye. On June 7, 2013, four words changed everything…”The cancer is back.” Back in my lungs. And back with a vengeance. After a few expressed profanities and a few tears shed from myself, I then looked at my oncologist and said, “Ok. What’s the plan?” Which brings me to today. I will be starting a clinical trial that will hopefully include the miracle cocktail that stabilizes, shrinks, or kills this cancer. So today I rejoin my battle against sarcoma cancer.

kylee travel friendsBut let me be clear. Cancer does not define me. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt/godmother, a granddaughter, a niece, a cousin, and a friend. These are the roles that most importantly define me. But if I am going to be honest with both myself and with all of you, I must include another role in my life…cancer survivor.

Yes I am a cancer fighter, but I am also a cancer survivor. I remember when I was first diagnosed with cancer I met a fellow cancer survivor and she told me that you are a considered a cancer survivor on the day that you are
diagnosed. So today I will fight, but I will also survive!

Kylee Webster was born on May 15, 1979. Passionate about helping others, Kylee earned both bachelor and master’s degrees in psychology from Towson University, and went on to pursue a career as a drug addiction counselor in Harford County, with focus on adolescent therapies.

Kylee was diagnosed with sarcoma in September 2011. She underwent more than 15 rounds of chemotherapy, more than 30 rounds of radiation and several major surgeries. Throughout her  treatment, she amazed every person who knew her or met her. She was brave. She was courageous. She kept a smile on her face and never let her fighting spirit and attitude waver. She began documenting her journey with a blog titled “My Dance Through Cancer” and showed the world that in addition to all of her other  talents, she was a fine writer too.

After battling her disease for over two years, Kylee earned her angel wings in October 2013. Kylee’s Dancing Angels was established to give something special to sarcoma patients, while keeping Kylee’s memory and spirit alive.

For more information on Kylee’s life and her Foundation and to donate to their upcoming Fundraiser: Kylee’s Dancing Angels websiteKylee’s Dancing Angels Facebook page, Kylee Webster’s Stories Between page.

Stay In Touch

Below is a reprinted blog post penned by Kylee Webster in July of 2013 on her blog, The Dancing Queen. Over the next few weeks we will be reprinting her posts to highlight the resilience and positive spirit of those facing even the most devastating of life’s challenges. Written just 3 months before her passing, the topic and wisdom of this article is especially poignant.

kylee friend 6A couple of weeks ago, a friend from high school that I had been pretty close with back in the good ole days of Fallston High School (Go Cougars!!), reached out to me.  He expressed kind words about my strength and prayers over what I was going through.  But he also said something else.  He said that he felt bad that he had not reached out sooner to me during all of these years that had passed and that he was sorry that he had let such a good friendship go.

kylee friend 3I cried when I read his words. Because I realized that that I was just as guilty as letting HIS friendship go.  As it happens to so many of us, we often lose touch with certain friends from high school and college that during those years that we spend with these particular people we spend so many countless hours creating such awesome memories with them.

 

kylee friend 4Let’s face it.  In today’s technological world, you can basically locate anyone from your past.  Especially if they have a Facebook or Twitter account.  So reach out to these friends from your past. Because these are people that in some point in your life were important to you.  So why shouldn’t they be important now?  And be a part of your life now?  These are people that  you laughed with, shared secrets with, and created memories with.

kylee friend 6I am sure that you can sit there right now and think of at least five friends from high school or college that when you think of them and the times that you spent with them a smile comes to your face or even a chuckle escapes your lips because you recall some type of funny story or shenanigan involving them.  So WHY NOT find them now??  WHY NOT reach out to them now??  If you need to, stalk them on Facebook until you build up the nerve to actually contact them.  But do something. Because life is too short not to have special people in your life.  And because you may be surprised to learn that they were also thinking or smiling about you! Carpe diem people!!

Kylee Webster was born on May 15, 1979. Passionate about helping others, Kylee earned both bachelor and master’s degrees in psychology from Towson University, and went on to pursue a career as a drug addiction counselor in Harford County, with focus on adolescent therapies.

Kylee was diagnosed with sarcoma in September 2011. She underwent more than 15 rounds of chemotherapy, more than 30 rounds of radiation and several major surgeries. Throughout her  treatment, she amazed every person who knew her or met her. She was brave. She was courageous. She kept a smile on her face and never let her fighting spirit and attitude waver. She began documenting her journey with a blog titled “My Dance Through Cancer” and showed the world that in addition to all of her other  talents, she was a fine writer too.

After battling her disease for over two years, Kylee earned her angel wings in October 2013. Kylee’s Dancing Angels was established to give something special to sarcoma patients, while keeping Kylee’s memory and spirit alive.

For more information on Kylee’s life and her Foundation and to donate to their upcoming Fundraiser: Kylee’s Dancing Angels websiteKylee’s Dancing Angels Facebook page, Kylee Webster’s Stories Between page.

Happy Anniversary?

Below is a reprinted blog post penned by Kylee Webster in September of 2013 on her blog, The Dancing Queen. Over the next few weeks we will be reprinting her posts to highlight the resilience and positive spirit of those facing even the most devastating of life’s challenges. 

Kylee beachHappy Anniversary to me!! That’s right. It was two years ago today that the three little words of “you have cancer,” forever changed my life. So today I celebrate!! This statement may confuse you and many of you may be thinking that I have finally lost it. But don’t lose faith in me just yet;)

Last week I received the difficult news that the treatment that I have been on for the past two months isn’t working and that my cancer had progressed. Not exactly the news I was hoping for. Unfortunately this wasn’t the first time that I received news like this. I have had setbacks before. Typically I deal with it in one of two ways. I either shut myself in my room away from everyone and cry until there are no tears left. The longest I ever allowed this to go on was for three days. Then the tears just stop and I come out of it. Ready to rejoin society and ready to rejoin my fight. OR the procrastinator in me comes out and I act like I received no bad news. I guess I just go numb. I act like I am FINE (worst word ever) and figure that i will deal with the bad news later. I am calm. I am rational.

But then it happens. And I have no control over when and where it happens. I explode. Or implode. And breakdown in a mixture of anger and tears. I have my moment of temporary insanity and then as quickly as it happens it is over. And I am back to myself, ready for the next battle. So this past time that I received the bad news I took on the latter role. I did not shed a tear or curse out loud. Instead I got in my car and drove over to see my nephew, whom my mom was baby-sitting that day.

kylee and aidenLet me just take a minute to tell you about my nephew. He just recently turned four and is obsessed with superheroes. His smile. His laughter. His hugs and kisses. And even the way that he says my name. All of these things just take all of the bad away. While I am with him there is no cancer. He has been my shining light through all of this and I look forward to the day in which I am able to explain to him how HE was Aunt Kylee’s superhero. So when I arrived to see my nephew, he greeted me with a big smile and hug and the simple words, “Let’s play Aunt Kylee.” A few simple hours with him was just what I needed. But the whole time I could feel the nervous looks from my mother because she knew IT was coming. She knew I was going to breakdown. She just didn’t know when.

And my mother was right (as I have learned that she is always right). IT happened later that night. Complete with an angry outburst of me slamming my fist down on the kitchen table with the tears flowing. But it wasn’t anger. It was fear. Frustration. Now there have been plenty of times throughout this past two years that i have been scared. But for the first time throughout my two years of fighting this beast I was scared that I could possibly be running out of options. And I am not ready to face nor accept that. After my dramatic show I went back to my room. Leaving my family members sitting in the kitchen probably feeling as beaten up as me.

Sometimes I think that my cancer may be harder on them then it is on me. Yes I am the one with the cancer. The one that has to suffer through the physical and emotional effects of it. The one that is constantly faced with my own mortality. But I see my family and friends struggle just as much as me. Because as they have told me they feel helpless. They can’t take the cancer and pain away from me. And I know that at times some of them struggle with what to say or do for me.

But sometimes I feel just as helpless as them. I hate to see them in pain just as much as they hate to see me in pain. Sometimes I don’t know how to make them feel better about my situation. But what I do know is when we are together and having good times when we are laughing and happy I sometimes forget that I am sick.  And I hope that they feel the same way. It is these moments that make me stronger and make me fight harder and I hope that maybe they get the same strength from these moments. Back to the other night. So I was going to shut the door, turn out the lights, and crawl into bed but then I thought to myself. I refuse to let this cancer get the best of me. So I went back out to the kitchen, sat back down with my family, discussed my next options and what I wanted and needed to do. Tomorrow was my appointment with my oncologist and I felt ready for it. Ready for the next option or the next step, whatever or wherever that may be.

So back to my celebrating! You may wonder what I am celebrating?? Today I celebrate the fact that I am still here. Living and breathing on this earth. Today I celebrate the fact that despite the horrible odds and statistics that I am faced with I am still here battling this disease one day at a time. Not everyday is an easy or good day but it is still a day that I am HERE and grateful for. So today think of something that you are grateful for and go out and celebrate it!!

Kylee Webster was born on May 15, 1979. Passionate about helping others, Kylee earned both bachelor and master’s degrees in psychology from Towson University, and went on to pursue a career as a drug addiction counselor in Harford County, with focus on adolescent therapies.

Kylee was diagnosed with sarcoma in September 2011. She underwent more than 15 rounds of chemotherapy, more than 30 rounds of radiation and several major surgeries. Throughout her  treatment, she amazed every person who knew her or met her. She was brave. She was courageous. She kept a smile on her face and never let her fighting spirit and attitude waver. She began documenting her journey with a blog titled “My Dance Through Cancer” and showed the world that in addition to all of her other  talents, she was a fine writer too.

After battling her disease for over two years, Kylee earned her angel wings in October 2013. Kylee’s Dancing Angels was established to give something special to sarcoma patients, while keeping Kylee’s memory and spirit alive.

For more information on Kylee’s life and her Foundation and to donate to their upcoming Fundraiser: Kylee’s Dancing Angels websiteKylee’s Dancing Angels Facebook page, Kylee Webster’s Stories Between page