The missing that the void creates sometimes hurts so bad that you find yourself forgetting the marks someone left, the stories that keep them alive for all of us, that help remind us, that help remind me, about those lessons that they taught us. A friend reached out early last year about this site and asked whether I'd be willing to create a page for Monica (thanks Nicole). A place where people could share stories about Monica and the ways she left marks and voids in their lives. I thought it was a great idea from the start, though kept waiting for 'the right time'. Well, without Monica no time really seems right, so I'm just doing it now.
I hope this site provides a place where we all can learn or relive stories about how Monica left a mark for us all. Sorry for waiting so long to create it. As a real biography for now, I'll simply include part of what I wrote almost eleven months ago.
Ben
Monica Susanne Pence Barlow, 36, passed away on the morning of Friday, February 28 in Columbia, Maryland due to complications from non small-cell lung cancer. She did not lose a battle with cancer and found that phrase offensive to anyone who has faced cancer and refused to let it define them. She leaves behind her husband Ben and miniature Dachshund Dasher.
Monica was born on June 5, 1977, in Downers Grove, Illinois; the first child of Wayne and Ramona Pence (Monica was born on the same day her father graduated from Bethany Theological Seminary). Soon returning home to Virginia, Monica grew up on a Port Republic farm that has been in her family for generations. She had a lifelong love of the farm, the outdoors, and animals (especially otters).
Monica graduated from Spotswood High School and received her degree from The College of William and Mary in Public Policy and International Relations. While in college, among other activities, Monica volunteered to keep statistics for the baseball team. In her senior year, she began an internship in the Public Relations department of the Baltimore Orioles, moved to Baltimore, and found a career she loved. After her internship and a season working for the Richmond Braves, Monica returned to the Orioles full-time in 2001.
On October 25, 2008, she married Ben Barlow at Montezuma Church of the Brethren in Dayton, Va. Monica and Ben met three and a half years earlier after their parents talked and decided that their kids had a lot in common and should meet. It was a perfect match from the start, with the two bringing out the best in each other. They shared a faith, a love of family, and nearly identical passions, likes, and irritants. They filled their lives with travel, in their hometown, around the country, and internationally. Wherever they went, they explored to the fullest all that was there, whether zoos, history, nature, or museums. One blessing that the disease brought was that while hopeful and always looking towards a cure, Monica and Ben knew early how precious life is and did not take one minute together for granted. The most important thing they wanted out of life was to spend it together.
Also in 2008, Monica was promoted to Director of Public Relations for the Orioles, becoming one of the few women to hold that role in Major League Baseball. Her work demanded long hours, a brutal travel schedule, and that her life revolve around a baseball schedule; a demanding job and lifestyle that few outside of the industry and their spouses understand. She loved every minute of it. She was respected throughout the Orioles and Major League Baseball for her kindness, humor, excellence, and professionalism. In late summer 2009, while training with Ben for a half-marathon, Monica had a nagging cough checked out only to be diagnosed with Stage IV non small-cell lung cancer. Over the next four and a half years, Monica went through an array of traditional and experimental treatments under the wonderful care of a team of doctors led by Dr. Charles Rudin. Despite the number of treatments and procedures for her disease, Monica continued to work full-time without any concessions to cancer until two weeks ago when treatments forced her to postpone her annual move to Sarasota, Florida for Spring Training.
While being treated, Monica, a tremendously private person in a public position, became increasingly frustrated with the relatively low amount of research funding for lung cancer - a disease that annually claims more lives than breast, colon, pancreatic, and prostate cancer combined; with 1 in 14 people being diagnosed in their lifetimes and twenty percent of them, like Monica, having never smoked. Monica became actively involved in Lungevity, an organization dedicated to raising funds for lung cancer research, and Stand Up To Cancer, Major League Baseball's cancer research initiative. She gave interviews, raised funds, shared with other survivors, and was featured in an exhibit on the human genome currently on tour with the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of Natural History.
Monica loved spending time with her family and friends, adored her dog, and enjoyed traveling. She was a gifted writer and a voracious reader. She cared deeply for people, especially those also facing illness or physical or mental challenges. She was one of those unique people that make those around them better. Monica was a member of Mountain View Fellowship Church of the Brethren in McGaheysville, Va., and throughout everything her faith sustained her. She was confidant that things would be ok, eventually, regardless of treatments or scans and took great comfort in knowing that "in all things," even the terrible ones, "God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28) and that nothing could separate her from that love. (38-39). Though she loved life, and she and Ben tried to live every minute to the fullest, she always remained more worried about the disease's impact on Ben and her family than on herself. She is desperately missed.
My sister, Linda, was diagnosed with stage 4 non small cell lung cancer in November 2013. Linda and I attended a seminar on lung cancer sponsored by Bayview Medical Center shortly after she was diagnosed. One of the people who spoke to the group was Monica. My sister was very impressed with this young woman. She was telling a story of a journey she had already started several years before. Listening to Monica really gave my sister hope for her own situation. After it was over, we spent quite a bit of time talking with Monica and Ben. I think we were among the last to leave that night. Linda spoke of Monica the whole way home, and many times after that night. Our cousin, Steve would periodically tell us he had run into Monica through her job with the Orioles and Linda always asked how she was. Linda was heartbroken to hear of Monica's passing in January 2014. Even though she had only met her the one time, Monica had quite the impact on my sister. I felt it gave her the boost she needed to fight her battle. Linda had already battled breast cancer twice, and when she was diagnosed with lung cancer, it just took the wind out of her sails. But seeing and hearing Monica's story helped give her that strength to fight again. Linda passed on Thanksgiving day, and I often hope they have met up again. I'm sure Monica never knew the impact she had on Linda, maybe Linda will tell her now!
PrintI tried to come up with my favorite Monica story to put here but a hundred moments flash through my head. The common thread is how Monica taught me to be a woman of the Oriole Way. Growing up, I saw and heard the Oriole Way in action but it was Monica who taught me how to be a lady in the Oriole Way.....to be compassionate, kind, authentic, faithful, present in the moment, and to love deeply. No matter how incredibly busy she was, Monica would stop and say hello or wave as she and Buck walked to the press conference. She always had time for me and cared for us. Even late at night, after a long flight home, there was always a smile and kind word. When my grandparents became ill, Monica was always one step ahead of us when one of them wanted to come to the game....carts and wheelchairs ready before we had even though about it.
I'll never forget many of these moments but I can't finish this entry without the night we all went to see Peter Mayer play in Lancaster. Sharing the music and fellowship with Ben, Monica and my family was a joy filled night to say the least.
She is the Guardian angel to many and will be for always.
My name is Pete Gilbert and as a reporter for WBAL I knew Monica professionally for many years. Most of which were terribly challenging as she had to do p.r. for a team that kept losing games. Monica handled her job with far more patience and understanding than I could muster.
The relationship between players and media relations directors can often be contentious and frustrating. I've witnessed many angry outbursts from players towards their own p.r. staffs (mostly from other teams, and never with Monica). Even when there's no open hostililty, often times her job was to get players to do things they didn't want to do.
So that's why in October of 2012 I was so impressed with what I saw. In the moments after the Orioles won their first playoff game in 15 years they celebrated of course with champagne baths. When the players saw Monica standing in the corner, seemingly hoping to avoid the craziness, they made a bee line for her. Their joy had to be shared with her as they treated Monica like one of them. The champagne flowed, some tears of joy as well.
This is not how players typically interact with media relations staff. In fact, I've never seen that kind of full acceptance as one of their own. That speaks so highly of what she meant to them, and reinforced what I saw for nearly a decade. Under all circumstances she would be professional, be accountable, and be a friend.
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