The Judy I knew--
My sister in law was the kind of friend everyone wants. The kind of friend who you could go months without talking to, and pick up right where you left off. The kind of friend who always made you feel special when you were with her. The kind of friend you love and admire, and respect for so many reasons.
I’ve been to Starbucks thousands of times. Judy and I probably took ten trips to Starbucks together just to talk, or take a drive, or get away and have a chance to talk without little ears around, or having to share the conversation with others. Every trip to Starbucks- or every little errand we ran together- maybe to the grocery store, or to pick up sushi, was special. Judy had an energy and touched everyone, everywhere she went. Always smiling, always striking up a conversation, making someone else smile. We traded stories and shared details about life that no one knew we shared, and it was all safe and beautiful and trusted. A simple errand became a memorable event, because the conversation was meaningful and the company was so unique. Having time with Judy one on one was always special to me.
I knew Judy before she was ever sick, before she was forced to become the fiercest fighter I know. Keeping up with Judy was tough at times, in the best ways possible. She ALWAYS wanted to make the most of each day, each opportunity. If we went to yoga class, she did it 100%. The few times we went for a run together, it was a challenge to keep up. When she wanted to go out late or squeeze in ‘one more’ thing after a busy day, it was a challenge to keep up. Judy had more energy and a greater appreciation for life than anyone I know.
When Judy got sick the first time, the world got to see a strength we wish we never had to see. Why did Judy get cancer the first time? It wasn’t fair. She was so young, so healthy, a model of fitness. I know first hand that she had ups and downs, but she handled it with a strength and power that inspired a new level of love and respect. Cancer would not stop Judy from living her life, from loving life, from doing things she loved. Judy went from a super cool sister in law into the woman I admired most. She was a fierce fighter who kept the smile, made the time you spent with her even MORE special, and refused to stop, even when you knew she was tired or even in pain. There was no complaining. There was no sympathy seeking. She was a leader, a fighter, inspiring people without knowing it most of the time. 5 foot 4 maybe? 100 pounds maybe? And if you asked me who the strongest person I know was - Judy was always the first person who popped into my head.
Once during her first bout with cancer, Judy had a bad few days or week. I happen to speak to her on the phone during that time, and was sad to hear the tone in her voice. It was 100% normal and justified, but so rare. It allowed me a chance, not selfishly, but to share with Judy how strong she was, how brave a fighter, and what an inspiration she was to me, and certainly many other people who may or may not have told her. Being able to ‘pay back’ and communicate openly about how enormous my respect was for her approach to living- to fighting- to staying optimistic- it felt like a another gift from Judy. She finally showed a weakness that allowed me to pick her up a little, make her smile, in perhaps a similar way to what she did every day, everywhere she went.
I have not seen Judy the past few months, and we have not spoken on the phone. I feel bad about that, but know she knows I love her very much. There should have been so many more good times together, but you cannot change the past. I prefer to be so grateful for the times we did have, and the chances to be around her.
Judy -I will remember your smile that lit up every room. Your wit. Your sarcasm. The special times we had our private talks. I know you feel that our talks were special also, and our friendship was special. I hope you know they were more than special to me. They were events I will never forget. I will remember the way you loved Reese and Trace and Drew. The way you greeted everyone who walked into your house. You made everything better- you made people feel special. Your infectious energy was a gift.
You made the world a better place. Anyone who met you was better for having known you. You made your mark. You shared your love. I will miss you, but I will smile when I think about you, because that is what you would want.
