I have a tattoo on my left ribcage to honor MacKenzie. It's a short phrase that was inked on my body forever on October 27, 2010 eight days after she left us. In two days, I'll make an addition in ink to honor my little super-hero Boh, a four year old I cared for who left us three weeks ago after a battle with neuroblastoma.
I see Kenzie in a lot of places, and in a lot of ways. But the most shocking way was how I saw her in Boh.
When I delivered my speech about Kenz during her celebration of life, I talked about her hugs. She would hold you so tight, like she never really needed to let go. She'd hug you and then you'd forget about all of the things you had to do, all of the places you had to be. The first time Boh hugged me the way Kenzie use to, I thought I was going to fall over. Not from the weight of him, he was barely three years old at the time, but from the weight of all the memories that came back like I was hugging Kenzie once again.
"I love you, Nictoe" Kenzie would say when Lauren and I would leave the hospital.
"Love you Torya, thanks for staying with me" Boh would say when I would leave for school in the morning.
Despite their differences in age, gender, and illnesses the similarities between these two is unsettling and magical all at the same time. I will never understand why they both had to be taken so young, the thought of it infuriates and confuses me. I will also never understand how I got so lucky as to have two heroes in this lifetime whom I have loved and effected by in so many ways.
I spent their last days with them alongside their amazing families, sleeping on floors and holding hands. I remember the last times I held and hugged them. But mostly, I remember them as being a beautiful princess, sparkling personality and doing cartwheels in front of a big yellow house. I remember them as being a strong superhero, flowing red cape, giggling on the swing set.
So now whenever I get hungry for marshmallow flavored popcorn, or have the urge to put my Goldfish crackers in milk, I wrap myself up in the memories of my princess Kenz and superhero Boh and try my best to not be knocked over.
